Darren’s Diatribe

There is a prank which I have done many times. It has yet to have the expected result - probably for the best! When a colleague phones their wife from work to say they are running late or they phone from an evening/weekend work function, I get close to their phone and in a girly voice say “Who are you talking to darling? Come back to bed, big boy”. There have been a few momentarily surprised wives, but none of them have fallen for it completely. Most of them guess that it is me immediately, including one who had never even met me.

One time (many, many years ago) when we were spotlighting, there were a few dead foxes in the back of the ute near where we were standing. I got behind Ian and shouted “that one’s not dead” and at the same time grabbed his ankle, making it feel like teeth. He nearly jumped out of the ute with fright. In hindsight, maybe it wasn’t a good idea since he had a shotgun in his hands at the time…

One time Peter and I were eating breakfast and the phone rang. While he was away from the table, I carefully scraped the cheese spread off his toast, put some hot mustard on it, and put on a new layer of cheese spread on top. When he came back he was a bit suspicious and only took a tentative nibble at the toast before discovering my mischief.

When we were young, the drive-in was one of the few forms of entertainment in town. It was common to put extra people in the boot of the car so you didn’t need to pay for them. One time, someone who I will not name, wanted to get his younger brother and friend (both under 18) into an R rated movie. I think it was Porkies. So the kids got in the boot, but I the driver took them for a “detour” involving the roughest bits of road which could be found, and did a few donuts. They looked somewhat dishevelled when they finally got out.

Last weekend we had my father’s 70th birthday party. We invited various old friends to say a few words. The vast majority of the anecdotes involved my father’s legendary driving escapades or pranks. I suspect that those genes may have made it into the next generation